Today I felt it for the first time…the agony of watching my food flying off my spoon as I tried to take a bit.
My mom had been young when she noticed her hand shaking. Although she wasn’t much for doctors, the next time she went she asked about it. “No worries” he said. “Those are just familial tremors.” Well after many years they finally diagnosed it as Parkinson’s. That is what I believe finally killed her although it was a complication of it.
I use to go to back home and we would always go get ice cream. She loved her ice cream. Slowly the shakes took that away from her. At first she would laugh about spilling some on her shirt but eventually she refused to out for anything to eat or drink as she said it was too embarrassing. Of course, we would all assure that we didn’t care but it was obvious that she did.
Soon, she couldn’t write any longer. Reading was hard because she couldn’t hold the book steady. This disease slowly trapped her in a world with little she could do.
I was at a dinner yesterday and noticed how bad the shakes had become in my right hand. They have been there on and off for quite a while but just like mom, my doctor assured me they were just familial tremors. I think she is wrong but pray she is right.
I was having trouble keeping my corn on my spoon and finally just gave up. I know that no one was watching but I still very self-conscious.
When this all started for mom, I researched everything I could. I found weighted silverware that was supposed to help. I ordered them right away and took them down. Mom acted grateful but after she passed, I found them still in their original package.
I believe she just didn’t want to accept what this disease does. Who would?
My shakes come and go and they are not horrible but the idea that I will suffer the same fate as mom horrifies me. I think everyone who has lost a parent to a horrible disease worries about the same happening to them.
Maybe it was just a bad day and it won’t happen again for a long time. Maybe not.